Farting, Burping and Sneezing on TV

Hey, we all do it!  Farting, burping and sneezing.  I know these are funny topics for many reasons.  I’m trying really hard to avoid puns here.  Today, I had a doctor’s appointment.  I was signing in and there was a TV right next to me in the waiting room.  I have been eating a bunch of vegetables recently, so, I have had a bit of flatulence lately and I was feeling the need to let one loose.  Then I heard this coming from the television “it is estimated that the average person farts ten times a day”.  Having heard this I refrained from letting some gas fly and I thought to myself what the hell are they watching?  I finished with the signing in process and took my seat in the waiting room with the other ten folks who were waiting to see the doctor.  I had to find out what show they were watching that was talking about farting, so freely.  As it turns out it was the TV show “The Doctors”, they (the Doctors) were sitting there talking about farting, burping and sneezing and the sounds we make doing these things and why.  Everyone in the waiting room was glued to the TV.  I did not see anybody shushing anybody but no one was talking either.

The Doctors on the show were really having a good time with the topics, especially farting.  Earlier when I had heard “it is estimated that the average person farts ten times a day”, one doctor said to the other “in this department you are above average.”  The woman on the Doctor panel said she did not think that she farted that many times a day, and I told the guy next to me she was lying.  The Doctors did say that farting is the result of the digestive process and that some of the gasses were flammable.  Then they discussed how people sometimes light farts, it was like a frat house discussion and it was really funny.

As far as burping, burping is a result of swallowing air when we eat and drink.  That is why carbonated beverages cause some of us to burp so much.  They had a YouTube video of someone trying to burp the alphabet, good stuff!  Finally they talked about sneezing, which was a letdown after the other lively and humorous topics.  But, two points were made about sneezing that were very interesting. One, everyone closes their eyes when they sneeze.  So, sneezing when you drive can be dangerous.  And, two, your heart does not stop when you sneeze, which is an old wives tale, I guess.

So, what are some suggestions?  Farting happens and it is humorous, I can’t really come up with any serious farting suggestions, we should all be glad that the average number is only ten a day, some of my friends probably fart in the triple digits.  Burping can be fun and when you burp say excuse me, even if you don’t mean it.  Sneezing has some real suggestions, sneeze into tissues, handkerchiefs or the elbow of your shirt.  On the show they showed the spray from a sneeze and it goes everywhere.  If you do sneeze into your hand or hands wash them in the bathroom, avoid touching doorknobs so you don’t spread your germs to the next person to handle the doorknob.  This is especially important with the cold and flu season coming upon us.

So, if someone asks you to pull their finger, and either of you have been sneezing, make sure that both of you have clean hands, or the results could stink in more way than one way.

Be well!

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