Tag: Clifford Lazarus

Thinking Yourself Happy: Setting Realistic Goals

••• Derek lived by the adage, “reach for the stars.” He believed that any position except at the very top was worthless. He did not realize that some of his lofty aspirations were beyond his true capabilities, and he was…

Thinking Yourself Happy: On Facts and Opinions

••• Henry was regarded as opinionated. “I just saw the best movie of the decade,” he announced to some associates. Chris said, “You mean you have just seen a movie that you enjoyed.” “No,” said Henry, “I know the difference…

Thinking Yourself Happy: Mistakes Can Be Beautiful

Gary was amazed when one of the men at the office openly admitted having made some mistakes that morning. “I wonder why he didn’t cover it up? ” Gary thought to himself. He had been raised to believe that making…

Thinking Yourself Happy: Avoiding Self-Fascism

••• Zelda was very intolerant of herself. She was kind and merciful towards others, but the standards she set for herself were severe. She was so hard on herself that she frequently punished herself psychologically ~ or even denied herself…

Thinking Yourself Happy: Jumping to Conclusions

••• Charles met Debbie at a friend’s wedding and found her to be very attractive. A few weeks later, he invited her to join him for dinner with two other couples. Debbie was so quiet throughout the evening that Charles…

Thinking Yourself Happy: Beware of High Expectations

••• Brad worked as a factory supervisor. He expected his employees to start work on time, to avoid dallying around the coffee pot, and to observe the proper lunch breaks.  He cut his workers little slack.  He was not a perfectionist but…

Thinking Yourself Healthy: Unhappiness Is Self-Created

••• Caroline was not a happy woman. S he saw herself as a victim of circumstances. She blamed her unhappiness on a long list of external factors (other people, the economy, the weather, the government, her employer…), never dreaming that her…

Thinking Yourself Happy: Nobody’s Perfect!

••• Harry wanted the perfect wife, the perfect job, and the perfect home.  At age thirty-nine he was still unmarried, unemployed, and living in a tenement. His quest for perfection had made it virtually impossible for Harry to be satisfied with the…

Thinking Yourself Healthy: The Dangers of Faulty Positive Thinking

••• Isaac suffered from what could be called “blinding optimism.”  He focused          exclusively on the bright side of life, on all the good events.  By sweeping harsh realities under the rug, he was often taken by surprise when unmistakably negative circumstances arose.  He was…

Thinking Yourself Healthy: More about Shoulds & Musts

••• Norman, a twice-divorced thirty-six-year-old lawyer, came for therapy.  He often ran into interpersonal problems, but recently he had lost three close friendships, had a serious falling out with his parents, and his fiancée had broken off their engagement.  No wonder! Norman had…